Building up a wall for protection…

There is nothing wrong with building up your walls,

Just remember to leave a door or a window.

To keep your peace, sanity and happiness, sometimes it is vital to have boundaries in place. I know so many of us become a walkover because we don't have boundaries in place and some feel that by having them you'll shut people out, push them away and lose them. You need to understand that if you have boundaries and people don't respect them then they don't deserve a space at your table.

Boundaries allow you to be your true self by allowing you to feel your emotions and make your own choices without the need to please others. You are creating healthy boundaries which allows self respect of your choices and emotions and the understanding that you are in no way responsible for how others feel. They become a safety blanket by keeping out things that make you feel uncomfortable or don't align with your true self. It also allows others to know how much you will tolerate and what is expected of them. Saying no is the biggest boundary you can set for yourself and is actually the best way to get started.

The hardest part to remember is to not build your walls so high that you end up isolating yourself from everyone with no way for you to get past the wall and no way for anyone to get in if you need them. Boundaries are there to protect you but you have to remember to not allow anyone to tell you how high you should build the walls and how you should build them.

Although I refer to those boundaries as walls that's not exactly true. It's just an easier tool to help someone visualise a boundary but there are key differences between the 2. Walls are usually built up out of fear and are made to keep everyone out. They can lead to isolation and are usually a sign of unresolved trauma or wounds and can make you a victim of your past whereas a boundary is there to keep unhealthy and toxic people out and are built up out of courage to keep you safe. They can also deepen your healthy relationships and are a huge sign of self respect.

Understandably, when you have lived without boundaries, it can be hard to start setting them.

• Start by using 'I' statements such as 'I appreciate the invite but I have already made plans'.

• Be clear and direct with your communication to other people. It is important that there is no room for misunderstanding.

• Offer gratitude where needed such as 'I really appreciate the offer...'

• Suggesting alternatives but again being really clear such as 'I'm really sorry I can't attend but how about we do XYZ...'

• Setting time limits is a big one as it allows people to understand any restraints or times you aren't available.

• Making your decisions and actually sticking to them. Don't allow other peoples opinions shake you away from the boundary you have set.

Most importantly...

Learn to say no to anything that doesn't align with your soul and start showing up as the best version of yourself.

A_xo