Restarting 2024…Can I catch a break now?

The first 2 weeks of the year went absolutely amazing. I made plans for the year, had a full spring clean in the house with mums help, redone my bedroom furniture as I needed new stuff and even got myself some new clothes to make me feel a bit better in my new body and then disaster hit. I knew it was going too well…I never have the best luck when it comes to my health that’s for sure.

So for those new to reading here I have discs out in my spine which are all pressing on nerves which means I have a lot of issues including nerve damage and some mobility issues too. I’ve lost all social connections and barely leave the house anymore as it is. Spinal surgery didn’t work back in 2020 and I have been getting worse and worse as the years have gone on and basically it’s just a waiting game now to see what the team want to do with my health…its hard knowing it’s all in their hands as I know that the nhs is so drained that I have already been waiting years for help and getting nowhere.

So out of nowhere I get this stomach bug, or so we thought. I woke up one day and felt fine for the first couple of hours and then spent the rest of the day between the bed and the bathroom. We have spoken to the doctors and to this day we have no idea what is going on with my body as all tests are coming back ‘clear’ but it is like my body is on a full shut down. At the worst point I couldn’t hold water down for more than 10 minutes before I was back in the bathroom. I haven’t been able to hold a full adult meal down so am eating child portions and rarely able to drink anything but water or highly diluted juice. On good days I will have a cup of tea or lucozade and try and eat a little bit more than I had been to fuel my body ready for it to start again. Anything else is being rejected and causing so many problems with my stomach…it’s been agony and I’ve felt so weak as without food, I have no energy at all. We’ve ruled out almost every single dietary issues there could be by cutting diary etc. to see if that was causing any issues but it wasn’t anything to do with my diet at all.

It's been on repeat since mid-January where it lasts a few weeks and then I have about 4-5 days where I can manage to eat better and then its back to excruciating pain all over again. It has frequently left me bedbound or laying on the sofa unable to do anything. My little one has been amazing through this whole ordeal. She is used to having to ‘look after’ me but this hasn’t been the easiest of things and sometimes I forget to imagine what it must be like to be so young and having a disabled mum. I can only imagine it has to be really hard but she really does take it all inher stride and takes great pride in telling everyone how she looks after mummy and loves taking care of mummy too.

I am so grateful to have her as my little one as well as my mum as they both do so much for me. This is not the way any of us imagined life would be like for any of us but this is the life we have and we only get one…

It’s time to start living and not just existing.